The yoga tradition emphasizes the importance of developing a clear mind. A clear mind can perceive an experience directly without the distortion of its experiences and history.
The practice of Yoga allows us to perceive the world as it really is by training our bodies and minds to stay in the present moment. The present is where the world actually exists. Everything else is just a projection of an imagined future or a memory of the past.
As writer Susan L. Taylor puts it, “Each moment is magical, precious and complete and will never exist again. We forget that now is the moment we are in, that the next one isn’t guaranteed. And if we are blessed with another moment, any joy, creativity or wisdom it brings will ensue from the way we live in the present one.”
Projection of an Imagined Future
After going in for my first ultrasound with Leo, I asked the technician how everything looked. “Your doctor will go over this with you”, she assured. “Everything looked fine, EXCEPT he is measuring small.”
What does that mean? I thought. He isn’t going to be a big kid, I mean, have you seen me?
Hearing that Leo would need extra monitoring because of his restricted growth caused a lot of confusion throughout the duration of my pregnancy. I didn’t quite understand the implications of having a baby who wasn’t measuring as “normal.”
One way my mind tried to make sense of it all was by convincing me that he was going to be a dwarf. I asked Meg, my midwife, this very question after she explained the results to me. She thought this was very unlikely and did her best to assure me that everything was fine. Leo was just small.
My brain still wasn’t convinced. Joe was also confused about what this all meant. “He’s going to be a dwarf, Joe. It’s the only thing that makes sense about why he is measuring as small.” Joe didn’t say anything.
My mind couldn’t handle the prospect of something being wrong or different with Leo. I felt the kind of fear that gives you tunnel vision and leads you down a road of worst-case scenario thinking.
I imagined how he would be picked on and limited by his size. He would be unhappy and blame me for his small stature. Leo would think something was wrong with him and struggle through his life as a result.
His peers would call him every version of small just like what happened to me. Leo wouldn’t be able to play basketball or rotate into the front row as a volleyball player. He would always be last in line when his teacher would tell everyone to line up from tallest to shortest.
People would notice his size and would make sure he knew he wasn’t of average size. “Wow, you’re really short.” they would say. Then, he would never know if this was a bad thing or not. Life would be just as confusing for him as it was at that very moment for me. “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!!!” I kept asking myself.
Memories of The Past
I was in the bath paralyzed by fear when Joe came in and sat down. He noticed I was not alright. I shared all of my fears with Joe. He listened as I unloaded them all.
“Kristin, I think Leo is going to be magical,” he said. Now, I was even more confused. “What are you talking about? How is this a good thing, Joe?”
Joe proceeded to tell me about how he thought Leo being unique would be an advantage to him. “Think about it, Kristin. How many people do you know who are dwarfs?” I knew none. “Exactly!” he said.
Joe continued on his rant about how much Leo could teach us and others just by being different. Joe’s perception of the situation was the complete opposite of mine. His perception was colored by faith and love, while mine was colored by fear and sadness.
I realized my own past experiences clouded my perception. I was picked on for being one of the shortest, if not the shortest, kid in the class. I didn’t want that same thing to happen to Leo. My mind projected all of the things I went through onto Leo- who hadn’t even had a chance to enter the world yet.
Fear also clouded my perception. I was afraid of all the maybes and possibilities. I thought worrying about them all at that moment would somehow help the situation, which of course only caused me to experience unnecessary suffering.
Our Perceptions Create Our World
The reason I tell this story is because this conversation with Joe taught me so much about how our perceptions create our reality. We each get to decide what colored glasses we wish to put on and view the world through. While we cannot predict the future or change the past, we can decide how we wish to respond to the present moment.
My hope is that Leo will choose lenses that will help him overcome the challenges he will inevitably face in his life. I hope he will see that his differences, fears, and obstacles are there to help him learn and grow. These things are what make him unique. I hope he lets go of past conditioning and future expectations so that he can experience the world as it actually exists, in the present moment.
At the very least, I hope Leo will see this life as magical and will laugh about it all.
