Sutra 1.33
Change is hard in any capacity. Changing the quality of our thoughts may be some of the most challenging work we set out to do. If we wish to change our thoughts and improve our lives, we first have to notice the thoughts (ripples) in our minds. These thoughts include those about ourselves and others. Then, we can observe how these thoughts are either opening us up to or closing us off from the experience of life.
Remember the quality of your thoughts directly correlates to the quality of your life. We have the power to choose more constructive thoughts to help us live a greater and more meaningful life.
In this final blog post of this 5-part series, I would like to introduce my favorite yoga sutra. This sutra alone is one anyone can benefit from. Practicing this sutra will help open your heart to others to help improve the quality of your relationships. This action will have a ripple effect in your life by allowing you to experience more joy in your heart and more peace in your mind.
Nature of the Mind
In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali describes how our mind is in a constant state of desire and aversion. Our mind goes back and forth between what we like and what we don’t like. In fact, we define ourselves by what we like and what we don’t like.
Patanjali suggests that attaching ourselves to our preferences is our greatest mistake. If we live our lives chasing after things that are “good” and avoiding things that are “bad” then we miss out on the opportunity to fully experience life.
Free Yourself From Judgement
One way the mind gets stuck in judgment is in our relationships. Patanjali offers sutra 1.33 as the antidote to feelings of judgment toward others.
1.33- By cultivating attitudes (thoughts) of:
1) Friendliness toward those that are happy
2) Compassion toward those who are suffering
3) Joy toward those who are virtuous
4) And equanimity toward those who are non-virtuous
There is a calming of the mind.
Patanjali provides us with the four antidotes to feelings of judgment toward others. They are maîtri (love/friendliness), karuna (compassion), mudita (joy), and upeksanam (equanimity).
Choose Love & Curiosity over Adversity & Pride
Can you think of anyone in your life that gets under your skin?
Rather than get caught up in frustration, get curious and ask yourself, “Why does that person provoke me? What are they here to teach me?” Sometimes our most challenging relationships or encounters can be our greatest teachers. Oftentimes, the things that trigger something inside of us are opportunities for us to dig deeper and ask ourselves ‘why?’
Choose Compassion & Open-Mindedness Over Anger & Conflict
Can you think of someone in your life that seems unhappy?
People’s unhappiness manifests differently. Sometimes it displays as frustration, anger, jealously, or spite. They may even direct these emotions toward us. Our peace of mind does not have to be affected by someone else’s suffering. Instead, try to imagine the cause of their suffering and relate to what they may be going through by reflecting on a time when you felt similar.
Can you think of someone whose beliefs are different from yours? Can you imagine having an open, honest, and polite discussion with them about their beliefs?
Doors begin to open when we can have open and honest discussions with each other about our different beliefs. If we reach far enough, we might even be able to identify with that person. We can begin to see where their insecurities and fears come from because we recognize our own insecurities and fears inside them.
Choose Joy & Inspiration Over Envy & Jealousy
Can you think of someone in your life who has something in their life that you wish you had?
If you encounter someone happier or more successful than you, use friendliness and share in their delight rather than jealously. When we encounter those that are virtuous, be inspired by their achievements rather than envious.
You know you are envious whenever you delight in someone else’s failure or misfortune because it makes you feel better. The alternative is to look at someone who has something you want and turn it into inspiration. Using other people’s accomplishments to feel envious will only zap us of our energy. This is energy we could instead use to create what we want in our own lives.
Choose Equanimity & Connection Over Power & Inequality & Self-Importance
Can you think of someone you feel like you have nothing in common with? Have you ever thought you were “superior” to someone else? If so, in ways?
The yoga tradition believes we are all interconnected. Often we think of ourselves as just individuals, separated from one another. Our individuality can make us forget we live in one world – and we are connected to each other in a whole range of ways – such as the food we eat, the clothes we wear, the music we listen to, and the issues we face.
We are all here having the human experience. No one human is more human than another. We all laugh, cry, struggle, succeed, fail, hurt, and love. At the very core, we are all the same. And we are all doing the best we can.
Choose Your Life
As yoga teacher TKV Desikachar points out, in daily life we see people around us who are happier than we are, and people who are less happy. Some may be doing praiseworthy things while others cause problems. Desikachar says, “If we can be pleased with others who are happier than ourselves, compassionate toward those who are unhappy, joyful with those doing praiseworthy things, and remain undisturbed by the errors of others, our mind will be very tranquil.”
If you ever notice feelings of envy, power, anger, or pride arise, don’t worry. Nothing has gone wrong. It is the nature of the mind to focus on the negative, what is missing, and what may be wrong. It is our job to have the awareness to redirect the mind when we notice feelings of judgment arise.
Ultimately, we are the only one who experiences whatever feelings we choose to feel toward others. It may be wise to decide how we wish to think about our relationships if we intend to live a more joyful and meaningful life.
Contemplation Points
- Think about a person in your life who has different beliefs from yours. How can you open yourself up to understand their perspective? How can you relate to them?
- Think about a person who has something in your life that you wish you had in yours. This could be a material object or personality trait. What can you learn from this person to help you create what you desire in your own life? What do you have in common with them? How can you relate to them?
- Think about a person who has directed their anger toward you in some way. Can you imagine what this person was going through at that moment? Can you remember a time you directed your anger toward someone else? What were you experiencing at that moment? How can you relate to them?
- Think about a person you have a hard time relating to. In what ways are you similar? How can you relate to them?
