As I age, something transformative and beautiful has started to happen. I find a growing sense of awe in simply being alive. I get to live and be here on this earth and experience all it has to offer. I have, at times, an overwhelming sense of gratitude and appreciation for this life now that I have lived long enough to experience how quickly it can all go away. I feel blessed with the sheer magnificence of existence. All the ordinary and familiar aspects that I get to encounter. Clouds changing, my dog beside me, my son and husband, a cupboard of food, a warm bed, space to write, unconditional love from friends, my body, and creation. You and I get to walk this earth as the beautiful entities that we are while our senses take in all these ordinary and miraculous things to help us get to know the fullness of life. Through our vast experiences, we can, once again, remember the interconnectedness of all things. There is love in all of us at the base of all our stories, conditioning, negativity, habits, patterns, and beliefs. We are woven and braided together at the heart. We are not so different.
I remember being a child with a heart that seemed to carry a deep desire to immerse itself fully in life. It was a feeling I didn’t know how to manage or give language to. I wanted to meld and connect with everything around me. It was an overwhelming sense of wonder and love. I learned to manage my love over time by pushing it down. The more I withheld my love, the greater my disappointment and hurt grew as I realized not everyone accepted or shared my heart’s desire. I discovered that expressing my love was not always safe. The conditions weren’t perfect to support what I felt inside. So, I slowly learned to conceal and restrain it. Perhaps we all withhold love in an attempt to protect ourselves. This is a sad and even damaging part of our existence.
Now, more than ever, I pay attention to when my heart closes. I continue to notice myself withholding love almost daily. But I feel a new sense of urgency or duty to let more love seep out of me and find its way into my life. With each passing day, I become more tender as I realize how lucky we are to experience the enormity of life. Being here is a true gift. It is a privilege. I am learning to love all of life and be grateful for both the light and the dark.
I have met many others who openly caught my love in this process. I am forever grateful for that safety net. It fills me with immense appreciation and gratitude for a safe space to express and share my love for this life. Thank you for playing a role in shaping who I am becoming. Thank you for being a part of my journey, contributing to my growth, and enriching my life. I am endlessly grateful for your presence.
Here’s to uncovering the root of love and goodness within us through our exchanges. It is an honor to nurture and love the totality of us and discover what it means to be human and to experience life. May we continue to support each other on our journeys while seeing ourselves and others through clear eyes. May we be grateful for our lives and the opportunity to experience this life together. And may we continue to learn how to live from the root of our existence of love.
